Dear Diary

I Vertical Edged tonight. It was good. Baby steps to the top of my nemesis. Soon my pet, soon! Climbing always makes me awaker and less bleh.

In other news, here’s my interpretation of The Neverending Story:

The movie begins with our protagonist, Bastian, being thrown into a dumpster by a bunch of bullies. Bastian (whose name is remarkably similar to “bastard”) proceeds to skip class and go into the long-forgotten attic of his school to read an old book. The book, narcissistically enough, is titled The Neverending Soda. I mean, Story.

The book is about an imaginary land, “Fantasia” (like from American Idol). The land exists in the minds of children around the world. As television and video games gain purchase over traditional forms of entertainment (like books), the imagination of children around the world slips quietly into a warm nook and/or cranny of hell. As this collective imagination shrinks, so does Fantasia. In the book, “the nothing” begins to overtake the land.

I’ll skip stuff about the rock-biter, the dude riding the flying bat, the racing snail, that big turtle that sneezes on Atreyu, and the batty old man that falls out of his basket.

As we near the end of the book, the story begins to unravel. Pieces are missing, as we see what could become of the once cherished world of our minds. To save Fantasia, Bastian (remember that prick?) must say the name of the princess in the Ivory Tower (now a shattered piece of crap hurling through space like an asteroid (with an atmosphere, of course)). But poor little Bastian does not know the name of the princess because it is not in the book. He must use his imagination to pick a name. He does so, then he goes to the window of the school’s attic and screams some incoherent babble into the pelting rain.

In the end we see Bastian flying through the real world on a big fluffy dog.

The End.

For those of you unfamiliar with the movie, I’ve chosen some key images that I think will make this interpretation more beneficial. These were found using a Google image search.

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One Response to Dear Diary

  1. salchichatu says:

    To Mark Dork:

    I don’t think I’ve seen that all the way through. Thanks for ruining it for me! GYAH.

    Just kidding, you’re purty.

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